Wha?

I let my guard down for five minutes and someone comes in a kicks me right in the ego. The last year, I have spent my time doing things I wanted to do, making sacrifices only I felt truly necessary (close friends and family). He came to me timidly, seeming very sweet and kind. He's a gentleman. He treated me with nothing but kindness and understanding. Sadly, he has already given up on "us". Not even a first date to have gone wrong. We work differing hours and he felt it would be too hard to see each other. Yes, I had to pick my jaw up too. Even when I've dated people who work the same hours as me, I've had trouble seeing them all the time. I do things after work. Monkey has ballroom and other activities. My feelings are hurt. He was the first guy in a long time I've bothered to put any effort in. But I draw the line at putting all the effort and getting none in return. *sigh*

So you want to make a resolution

There has been a lot of talk about resolutions lately. None of it from me. Usually, I don't make them for myself. The things I've always thought I should change about me I figured I change them or I wouldn't. A resolution wouldn't make me do it any more or less than deciding mid-year to make a change. However, I'm picking the beginning of the new year to make this change. I want to be healthier, better. To do that, I have to start with my space. It will start small, but I intend to make my space mine. I've been in my house for over 6 years and not once have I felt comfortable having guests over or really felt like it was my home. I'm changing that. I know me though. I may want it done by the end of the week, but if I can't do it "the right way" I won't do it. I'm going to focus on the small things I can do and gradually make them bigger until one day I look around here and proudly say, "Sure stop by whenever," and NOT cringe.

I may be small now, but I'll get bigger one day.