Thursday, February 16, 2012

Let's see what I come up with in five minutes

Let's see... I have a new therapist who is fantastic. I feel like I'm actually going to get somewhere with her. You know, instead of just talking and talking until one day arbitrarily the other person goes, "Well, I think you'll be alright. We don't need to schedule another appointment." I feel like there's some interaction between the two of us. I tell her something, and she gives it a name for me. XYZ bothers me, she says it's because of GHI. And it makes sense! She's interning with another therapist who is also great. 

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Uh, I'm pretty sure my brain is toast

I can't think of a damn thing to say. Things aren't better than they were. I'm not sobbing my eyes out, but happy is a long way off yet. Heck, OK is still a long way off. I hate liars. If you can't back up your words with your actions, you've lied to me. I mean, no skin off my neck. It's one less person I have to have in my life. A victory as my therapist said Saturday. And oddly, it feels exactly like that. A victory. I'm able to release someone who has been poisoning me since spring last year. There's still a long list of people to go through, finding the good ones to keep and ditching the bad ones. I do need to learn to let go sooner, rather than hanging on because someone, once, somewhere, told me I wasn't trying hard enough. That's still a work in progress. And probably always will be. My favorite is when you find one of those gems hiding in a pile of crap (and trust me, this gem is about as good at getting rid of the bad people as I am -- that is to say not good at all) because helping them shine again is fantastic.

Okay this has so not gone how I thought it would. I'm going to stop while I'm ahead.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Quick, before they catch me

Sad is here. Not the gut wrenching sad that was here Friday. Just sad, yes I'll have moments of happiness, but I think I'm just as content being alone. I'm supposed to meet someone for coffee Saturday afternoon. I want to cancel. I don't know why. Other than I have a feeling it's just not right. I hate the idea that I might miss something I should experience, but my gut just says nope.

Time to go up... The front desk is my favorite place at these times. Someone always wants to chat. Yay.

UPDATE: After therapy this morning, I sent the gentleman I was supposed to meet for coffee a message asking if we could postpone for another time and explained I'm just not ready. He was kind enough to understand. Instead I spent a few hours at Peaceful Heart in town. Far more relaxing. I just wish I could remember which scent I liked. Or where I can find something called Release.