Nix the snowday plans

No staying in pajamas until 2pm. No "helping" Papa shovel the driveway. No making snowmen in the backyard. No hot cocoa with marshmallows falling out of the cup.

We got up and made it to work and school this morning on time. Here's hoping the drive home is as easy as the drive to work was this morning. Thank you Dane County road crews for doing such a wonderful job cleaning the roads. Even my little street in Oregon was plowed a few times before I left. Even during the snow last night, I could tell the roads were being taken care of. Thank you!

Yes it snowed. That's what it does here.

My lovely friend, Princess Mikkimoto, has offered some thoughts on driving in our area in this snowy season. She's right, it isn't winter yet. Quit whining. It's Wisconsin, what do you expect?

I would like to offer that some of that white stuff on the road is neither snow nor ice. It's actually salt. If it is white in appearance, it is safe to drive the speed limit on. If that is not to your liking, get the hell out of the left lane. Better yet, if you're too scared to drive the speed limit on almost all of the roads currently, stay home. You're sure to NOT be eaten by a snow bank monster then. Also, if the road is straight and you're not anticipating a turn in the next 6 miles, you can go a bit faster (this is not permission to speed), as 25 in a 55 is a tad on the poky side.

Rhetorical questions I'd like answered

Why do drivers that cut you off get mad when you call them out on it?

Why do other parents jump down your throat when they don't think you're doing a good enough job but can't seem to control their child in public?

Why does the chicken want us to continually ask why it's crossing the road? At this point, isn't it old enough to not need someone holding it's wing?

Why can't we all just get along?

Why does the co-worker think he's hot stuff when I have continually pointed out his many faults? Hygenie being at the top of the list. Dude, you stink. No girl wants that in a man. Take a shower. Use soap. Lots of it. Cut your hair regularly. Shave your face. You can't grow a beard. Those sploches make you look like someone played a prank on you but missed your eyebrow. Quit smoking. Throw away your clothes and get some that fit. No. Even the hobo down the street doesn't want your stanky rags. And finally figure out you are just too damn scrawny to drink any more than one beer. When you come to work smelling like a brewery (and not a good one mind you) it makes us all want to vomit. Oh. And he fish in my office. He's mine. I've bought everything for him and cleaned his bowl 10 times more than you. He belongs to me. Now, quit looking at me because you want to tell me some poor taste nerd joke you've already told me at least 12 times. It ain't happenin'.

a letter to my bad day

dear bad day,

it was a valient effort you made in trying to make my day horrid. first with the drivers who couldn't decide on what speed they wanted to go, then with the spilled chai while putting my cinnamon in it, and finaly my entire venti chai latte spilling all over the rest of me just before i walked into work. but thanks to friends like princess mikkimoto and susan mercedes, and then all the yummy food at work's breakfast potluck (yes, my quiche was a hit -- they ate it all!) i'm finding it hard to care about you anymore. i know you'll understand. we just can't be together today. in the effort to leave you with a positive comment, please try again another time. things like being on time for work make your job just too difficult. i'm sorry. can we still be friends?

cordially,

zeghsy

p.s. on second thought, i'd rather not be friends with you. don't take it personally. it's not you, it's me.

p.p.s. wait, it IS you. you understand. please do not contact me again.

speeding

normally, i'm fine with speeding. i figure, it's your ticket. and i'm definitely guilty of speeding. IN MY CAR.

relationships... that's a whole other bowl of chili.

seriously guys. we like you. if we say, "i like you," we really do mean that. also when we say, "i need this to progress slowly," we mean that too. so when we say we aren't able to see you for a couple weeks, there are no games being played. we're just being aware of our schedules, children, and massive dance schedule. plus, when we say, "i'm sorry, i have to sleep," again, we mean that too.

(not sleeping causes me to get sick. very sick. not a visit to the emergency room sick. a visit to the mental ward sick. i don't like that kind of sick. it's very scary to too many people who are vital to my survival -- namely the monkey. and me. it's a scary place i don't want to go to again.)

so. again... we like you. we want to see you too. we miss you a lot, perhaps not as much as you think we should, but a lot. but. we had a life before you came along, and we're not exactly thrilled with you wanting us to chuck it because it doesn't suit your plans for us.

so with that, SLOW THE FUCK DOWN! kids these days. sheesh.

brr... grr... brr...

what is it about people who think that going 5 up an icy hill is a good idea? no one can get enough forward momentum (what with all the brake tapping) to go forward and they naturally "fall" off the road. granted screaming down the highway at 80 isn't a good idea either. that's how people flip their cars and land on the roof of the car.

pardon my language

holy fucking stupid traffic! four cars and a semi. fires. med flight. all at the hwy 151/i 39/90 interchange. i 39/90 closed. all ramps closed. traffic fucked everywhere.

i'm on E. the crap petrol station i stopped at DIDN'T have my favorite energy drink or ANY decent selection. and the attendant spoke to me. other than giving me my total, don't speak to me until i've ingested a decent amount of caffeine AND it's after 9:30 am. unless we're having sex. if we have sex, you're excused from that rule.

saving grace: the amazingly good luck to pull up to the intersection to attempt to turn left back onto hwy 12/18, and the sheriff (dude, i could kiss you on the mouth. with tongue. seriously.) stops traffic to let us out. thank you so much. i'm just sorry our moment was ruined by that jackass who has no idea how to merge into shitty traffic. it would have been earthshaking.

all said, it took me an hour to make a normally 20 minute drive (less if i'm in a mood).

*wow, i didn't swear as much as i thought i would. yay me.