Long time no chat

So. How have y'all been? Anything new? Not much here. I mean besides giving the finally heave ho to an ex, getting back into competition, and new flooring in the Papa's man cave.

Man it felt good to chuck the ex too. I'm sure he thinks he had the final word, but in reality his word stopped having much weight long ago. And now anything he sends me goes straight to the trash unread and unopened.

It felt amazing to get back into competition. I had a nationally recognized ballroom judge tell me I'm too good of a dancer to look down. Me?! My feet were rubbish. But in my defense everyone's feet were rubbish Sunday. And to make things even better, the director of e studio I attend awarded me a small scholarship for lessons. Yes I cried. Happy tears though. Now I can work on those rubbish feet of mine. I think the best part of Sunday was having Monkey being there for me. It's the first time she's come to a comp with me. Walking off the dance floor to get a big hug from her felt like I won every heat I was in. Now we just have to figure out how to get her back out on the dance floor. She really misses dance. Oh, she finally got her cartwheel and round off in tumbling. So all the girls in her cheer team can do them in the routines. Yay!

Papa had new wood laminate flooring put in his man cave today. It's so much nicer than that nasty carpet the crazy lady who owned this place last had it in. That was just gross. But now I'll have to make Papa booties and socks before winter to keep his feet warm. And blankets for Cody too. Big dumb dog.

It was great catching up. Don't be such a stranger next time. say hi to the kids and hubs for me. Cheers.

To Do List

Watch Monkey at tumbling. Check.
Pick up cereal and cat food. Check.
Take Monkey to cheer practice. Check.
Dance for 4 hours and leave sore and tired and not sure we have this routine even a little. Oh my goodness check.

Is it wrong that I'm more than a little nervous about dancing with my partner in formation group? I'm terrified of being dropped. Again. But in front of everyone this time. And I don't know that he can do the repetition I'll want to feel comfortable.

Captain Obvious

Alright, I need to dance more. That is clearly obvious. Last night, I had a class (swing = fun!) and then a private lesson with my partner from the Gala. Two full hours of dancing. I could have happily done another hour. Hell, I'm ready to do that same thing again tonight. I was asked last night if I would be doing anything besides the team dance at the upcoming competition. I would love to. But preparing for anything beyond the team dances will completely depend on finances. I simply don't make enough money at my job. I've thought about working for the studio. But that didn't go so well at my last studio. Even though there isn't enough time in the day for everything they need to get done. I just need to come into a small fortune (not that I would say no to a large one).

Back in the spotlight

Saturday night, I danced for more than just fun in a very long time. I had been asked to join the Dance On Air dance team to perform at the Wisconsin Women's Health Foundation Spring Gala. It is held at the State Capitol. Black tie party. Very fancy. I saw a few soldiers in formal uniform. Lots of ballgowns. The theme this year was Cinco de Mayo. Made perfect sense to me considering what the date was Saturday. As a result, we were asked to do a lot of Latin dances. The cha cha was my first dance "back in the spotlight", so OF COURSE I forgot a huge chunk of the dance. The rumba and salsa that followed were much better. I figured I couldn't screw up any worse than I already had. That final bow was my favorite part of the night. All the dance team members stayed for the dancing and food. I discovered I quite enjoy mojitos. I also discovered marble has no give and I bounce when I walk into marble. Mojitos are quite medicinal. You can rest the glass on your shoulder and then drink it occasionally. Yes, there is a large bruise. Yes it hurts.

Last night I had just a regular dance class. Though, I was at a loss for what to do afterward. The last few weeks, I've had rehearsal after class until close to 11pm. Last night, I was home by 8pm! I kept getting up and wandering around aimlessly in my house, because I didn't know what to do with myself.

There is some thought being given to having the dance team get together for Summer Twilight, a small competition held by Dance On Air. I do hope there will be. Otherwise I will need to start taking donations to purchase a ballroom gown. Those babies are not cheap!

What to wear v. What not to wear

I knew I should have looked through my closet last night. I'd like to go to a fancy dress party tomorrow night with Monkey. She's set. Me, I'm not sure what I'm going to wear. The dresses I have, I've already worn the heck out of. I want something new. I've found a pretty wine colored one online, but will they have it in the store when I get there tonight? That's the real question.

Gettin' In The Mood (for Christmas)

Tonight is the rescheduled holiday performance for Monkey's dance studio. Now, instead of eating lunch leisurely and getting her hair and make-up ready at home, we have to cram dinner/hair/make-up/driving to the auditorium into less than an hour. Thankfully, I have all her dance things with me.

I am excited to see the kids do their swing on stage. That will be fun.

*Update: Monkey's partner (T1) wasn't able to make it last night due to prior sports scheduling. His brother (T2) was injured so his partner (A) never came. We didn't get the message until I had pulled in the parking lot of the auditorium. The other couple in the class T3 and M were there, but I'm not sure what they did.

Oh the weather outside is frightful...

Who here remembers the Pizza Pit tv ad (that they still air, YAY!) with the toy car and the kids singing "Let it snow"? Because of this weather, that's what's going through my head.

I'm sitting in bed, watching it snow out my window, thankful that Monkey's dance performance for this afternoon has been postponed until tomorrow night. Marti is curled up RIGHT behind my laptop (to enjoy the heat coming off it) -- he must be chasing something in is sleep, he's twitching something fierce.

I'm working on a new hat for Nana. Her actual Christmas present is finished, though I need to figure out how to wrap it. She bought a hat a few years ago from Urban Outfitters and it has since stretched out so bad that her glasses are the only thing that keeps it from covering her eyes. Bad design or poor quality. I've also never seen a hat that needed elastic in the brim of a knitted hat. Is that something that's is usual?

While I wait for Monkey to come home from her dad's, I've been watching movies. Last night was Inception (really well done!) and Assassination of a High School President (Patrick plays the president; is a family friend of my boss -- and he's such a cutie). Now to another movie.

scary...

as of december 21st, monkey and i will not be dancing. sadly the monkey hasn't been doing well in school. this is troubling when anyone who has met her knows she should be acing school. this coming semester will be a lesson in learning her priorities and (hopefully) letting everyone in her world know that she is an A student and she will get those grades. even if it means she turns off everything around her to be able to focus. i know she'll do this. she was crushed when i told her of my decision to withdraw us from dance. we did quite a bit of crying. but as a good parent, i can not let her grades go without repercussions. Ds and Fs are just not acceptable. her father is not happy. sadly it's taken this for him to become interested in her schooling. she'll still have choir, which she loves. that is the one class she's getting the most solid A i've ever seen. she's hoping to prepare a solo for the solo/ensemble concert this spring. i've suggested she ask her teacher for help with this. sadly, i'm no help when it comes to singing. we've also asked her aunt, who in high school was a star herself, and sang at my wedding when i married monkey's dad. funny, i know she sang a beatles song, i know it was so beautiful it moved me to tears, but i can't remember WHAT song it was.

what scares me is that i've been using dance as a form of therapy for me. i'm sure i'll find something else. possibly join the anytime fitness club that is in my town... but i'm finding little moments of panic when i think about it.

i'm trying to look at the silver lining. i'll be able to save some money. i won't have to buy a ballroom gown for monkey just yet. (miss princess -- different princess than our princess mikkimoto -- wants her students to compete in wisconsin state dancesport competition this april and they require actual ballroom dress for the competition.) i'm going to FINALLY clean my house of all the crap that's in it. (here's where i ask that you guys get on my case about it.) i'm going to take the opportunity to get my life in order again. sorting will help.

i hope that i can count on you all to support me and remind me i won't die without dancing. or, take me out once in a while to the dance floors around here to boogie, even for an hour or two. :D

the one where i don't say much

so, i have lots to say. except i have a headache right now. and tap class later. ugh. i'm not really looking forward to this. i won't have time for a nap before the class. unless i lay on the floor during the yoga class i wait in the lobby for. and nap then. in the lobby of my dance studio. what? i've done it before. in the dressing room of my old ballet studio. it would be 45 min of quiet time. and oh my damn i need some of that! so yah. i'm gonna pretend i'm typing with my face for the rest of work. then go hide at the studio until the monkey gets there for her lesson. and pray for quiet.

p.s.
i just found out (via stalking his fb page, sorry) that socrates and his gf are expecting. i'm a little sad that he didn't tell me, i guess i thought we were better friends than that. and i'm a little jealous.

speeding

normally, i'm fine with speeding. i figure, it's your ticket. and i'm definitely guilty of speeding. IN MY CAR.

relationships... that's a whole other bowl of chili.

seriously guys. we like you. if we say, "i like you," we really do mean that. also when we say, "i need this to progress slowly," we mean that too. so when we say we aren't able to see you for a couple weeks, there are no games being played. we're just being aware of our schedules, children, and massive dance schedule. plus, when we say, "i'm sorry, i have to sleep," again, we mean that too.

(not sleeping causes me to get sick. very sick. not a visit to the emergency room sick. a visit to the mental ward sick. i don't like that kind of sick. it's very scary to too many people who are vital to my survival -- namely the monkey. and me. it's a scary place i don't want to go to again.)

so. again... we like you. we want to see you too. we miss you a lot, perhaps not as much as you think we should, but a lot. but. we had a life before you came along, and we're not exactly thrilled with you wanting us to chuck it because it doesn't suit your plans for us.

so with that, SLOW THE FUCK DOWN! kids these days. sheesh.

dancing machine

what's the best place to go blow off steam?

the dance floor. anywhere i can find music and the space i need.

why do you go here when you need to unwind?

dancing is my release. i can think, work through problems. it's my "quiet" time. except i crank the music and move.

moving...

i couldn't help it. the first note. the moment i saw it. the tears... i couldn't stop them if i had wanted and they deserved to come.

EDIT: again with videos being removed. *sigh*

it was pain and beauty and sorrow and joy and ... oh everything you could imagine.

i'll have to remember to bring lots of kleenex with me to the show.

woot!

the monkey and i have tickets to see the sytycd tour when it comes to milwaukee in october. I. CAN. NOT. WAIT!!! silly? well, maybe a little. but it's inspiring to me. i will be attempting to choreograph a duet with the monkey for next spring's dance recital. thankfully, miss t is more than happy to help us. *whew* i think it's going to end up being contemporary. we've never been "trained" in that form, and the only partnering i've ever done has been ballroom. i'm planning lifts. eep!

oh yes, we're going.

DEFINITELY. last night's episode of "so you think you can dance?" had me in tears. again. [SPOILER ALERT!] travis wall (2nd finalist from season 2 - danced mia michael's emmy winning routine with heidi) came back to the show to choreograph. omg! i lack words to adequately describe how amazing it was.

edit: silly links to non-existent videos. grr...

after the stand ovation provided by the judges (and all the tears provided by me) i promised the monkey that we would go see the tour. even if it meant that was our christmas presents. i have to see that dance again. even now, having just watched the video, i still choke up. (note to self: bring plenty of tissues. i hope the monkey will be ok with her mom sobbing her heart out watching that, in public.)

the tour comes to us in early october. tickets go on sale NEXT SATURDAY. needless to say, i WILL be getting us tickets. because ... damn. that was beautiful.

*ignore the little ad. the first video i chose was removed. :(

time capsule #3

ok. i took a lot of photos of loud. i mean a lot. thank goodness she's smokin' and totally photogenic.

time capsule #2

wow. loud totally rockin' out. hehehe...

time capsule #1

ooh... i think i'm going to like this photojojo thingy... i signed up ages ago. today is my first time capsule. :)

lookie here.

fun! especially since the lovely lady in that photo is our one and only loud. tomorrow is her birthday AND she's going on a trip that has me SOOOO... jealous. happy birthday and have a blast on your trip, loud. be safe and come home with tons of stories to share!

whoops, 'scuse me.

(this is actually me! i'm dancing a foxtrot with my teacher.)

*grin* i'm famous for my lack of grace OFF the dance floor. apparently, i'm so graceful (so i'm told) while i'm dancing. but i can trip literally the moment i walk off the dance floor.

stuck in an elevator with the senator

the senator
duh, he's the bf. that should just be common sense. sheesh.

silver b
because as much as i love the senator, he can't dance yet. silver b on the other hand is a FABULOUS dancer. plus he could teach the senator a thing or two.

*silver b is a misleading name. he's at the gold level, but "gold b" just doesn't have the same ring. sorry bud, you'll always be silver b to me. ;)

need. caffeine. badly.

not that i'm overly tired... i just feel drained. like i could sleep for days. or it has everything to do with the fact that i've seen the sun for about 5 minutes in the last 3 days. and tomorrow it's supposed to snow?! what the fuck is that all about? sheesh.

what weird? here's for weird. a year and a half ago, i wanted my ex-bf and his new (not sposed to be) gf so gone from my life i occasionally wished them dead. hey, i admit i was wrong and super messed up about it. well a year ago, i made the decision to just deal with them since they obviously weren't leaving my life. i was going to make the best of a bad situation. last week, i hung out with them. with alcohol. no one died. no one even got mildly upset. this weekend? i'm going to borrow a dress of hers for a dance thing i'm going to. (my clothes aren't fitting the wrong way. it upsets me. i don't want to wear the ONE dress i have that fits and i don't have a new dress in my budget.) we're a similar size, i'm about 4 or 5 inches taller than she is. this is totally weird for me. i'm littered with bruises from trying to wake myself from the dream. but obviously i'm not dreaming.

*dazed*