Further adventures of #asshat the coworker

Today, as I crashed Office, again, this time doing the very next thing beyond logging in, something snapped. Either I was going to bang my head in my desk until someone stopped me or I was going to string up the coworker. Just how long does it take to set-up a computer? I left early yesterday and it still took him until noon today to even begin putting it in my office. And then another hour and a half just getting it to work. Funny though, it hasn't crashed since. Hmm, maybe I do know how to research too and know what's going to work once in a while. I'm not just pretty. 

His customer service is crap. I keep expecting him to shout, "Move!" at me and sit down at my desk and start pounding on my keyboard. I can guarantee y'all, that won't last long with me. If the new IT Director doesn't see his bullshit and make him correct it, it's going to get ugly fast. Because I will say things. Like how he smells like a dirty ashtray in a small closet. And if he stinks up my office again, I'm buying him an air freshener to wear on his person. 

Fun times

Today has been ... interesting. The co-worker managed to break faxing early afternoon yesterday, Internet, and then email. He's fixed Internet and email. But faxing is still down, for those keeping score at home. I'm on my second field trip of the day. The first one was shortly after getting to work and I basically went halfway home to deliver a part. Now I'm basically at my dance studio waiting for that part to work again so I can go back to the office and drop it off there, clock out take the mail and then come back here for my dance class. But guess what, I get overtime people! Woot. And I'm getting to be out of the office. So nice.

Quick, before they catch me

Sad is here. Not the gut wrenching sad that was here Friday. Just sad, yes I'll have moments of happiness, but I think I'm just as content being alone. I'm supposed to meet someone for coffee Saturday afternoon. I want to cancel. I don't know why. Other than I have a feeling it's just not right. I hate the idea that I might miss something I should experience, but my gut just says nope.

Time to go up... The front desk is my favorite place at these times. Someone always wants to chat. Yay.

UPDATE: After therapy this morning, I sent the gentleman I was supposed to meet for coffee a message asking if we could postpone for another time and explained I'm just not ready. He was kind enough to understand. Instead I spent a few hours at Peaceful Heart in town. Far more relaxing. I just wish I could remember which scent I liked. Or where I can find something called Release.

Terminology

The co-worker is having an issue with the muckity-mucks not using the correct terminology. I suggested making a picture book dictionary. He's not willing to allow that because "well if this picture doesn't look exactly like theirs, then its wrong." I say he's giving them more issues than they have. Take an apple. How many apples do you know of? Think of all the colors and shapes. But they're all still an apple. So if I make something with the terms the muckity-mucks are misusing, it's still what the picture is even if it's not identical. He gets so wound tight and nothing gets in. And I'm the one with the mental disease.

Then there is his hand holding. *sigh* If they have climbed the corporate ladder, they have achieved some tangible education. Which means, if you offer them a set of steps to do something, they should be able to follow those steps and complete the task. And failing to do so, does not automatically become my department's fault. Our boss and I won't tolerate the whining that comes with the "but can't you do it for me?" Perhaps it's because we're both mothers and he hasn't any children. Maybe that gives us an edge he lacks. But if Monkey needed to learn to tie her shoes so I wouldn't be doing it for her in college, then the adults in upper management can learn to enter their own password in the company smartphones.

This is not a week we want to poke this bear. I will fight back. And I will win, by whatever means necessary.

Really?

I was so proud of myself this morning. I had decided what I wanted for lunch today before 10am. I sent the co-worker an email about it.

To: Co-worker
From: zeghsy
Sent: Thu 5/5/2011 9:54 AM
Subject: Happy Cinco de Maio

*Suggestion for local Mexican restaurant we both enjoy*?

His response? "I ate stuffed peppers last night and now I'm not sure I can do Mexican again today. I may not even make it through the day here."

Really? What is he, new?

~~~~~

Later, I'm complaining to our boss about someone else who can't seem to follow direction, knows he's not following direction, and makes "witty remarks" about it. I think I should return the task he'd like me to do, with a reminder to follow the instructions, and see how many times it takes. The co-worker seems to think I should change how I receive my tasks, making MORE WORK for me by having to track time spent on the tasks. Removing options until you force someone to do a thing the way you want, doesn't teach them anything. He's an enabler. I hate it.

I really need a new job.

You've known me for how long?

And yet people at work still think I care about anything before 9:30am. Seriously? Dude, I don't care about the gossip you feel you need to share with me before you've even taken off your coat. You were late, and I was early. Let's focus on that. Or how about y'all not crack wise to me? You're not funny at 2:30pm. You're even less funny at 8:50am. Let me finish my chai, ignore the fuck out of you, and go about my morning in peace.

Get me outta here!

Today is spiraling from bad to worse. I'm not sure what to do to stop it either. It's more than I'm willing to share here currently, but suffice it to say, work is not helping. The co-worker is workin' my last nerve, just with his very presence. The other one isn't doing much better. I'm definitely in need of the break from here I have coming up. And for that, fingers crossed for a snow day tomorrow.

It's vacation time!

Not for me. Not directly anyway. The co-worker has all of next week off. It's the best news I've had in a long time.

I had yesterday off. To go watch Monkey sing with her choir for the Veteran's Day program held in our town. It was an hour. I spent the rest of the day shopping at Best Buy with Uncle Watusi and watching tv. I like how I spend my odd vacation days. Much better than the last two days. I raked Nana's entire yard. It's really big. Ugh.

The Big D, and no I don't mean Dallas

I want a divorce. From my work husband. (No silly Internets, I'm not even dating anyone, let alone married anymore.) Back to the work husband. I can't stand him. I no longer find him amusing or smart. I never thought he was attractive. He's irritating and I want to not be around him anymore.

This makes me feel like I complain a lot. Particularly about him. But I'm not allowed to throw heavy objects at him. I have to let it out some how, right?

In any case, I want him gone. Or me, whichever ends up being easier for me. He gets all jealous when I've started dating someone else. Or have mentioned (not to him, he eavesdrops all the freaking time) when I think someone else is attractive.

Someone at work mentioned that she thinks all this is because I'm in love with him. HA! Not even a little bit. If I was in love with him, I would be excited to come to work and see him. I loathe Mondays even more because I know he'll be there. I constantly wish for him to be home sick or have to be off-site all day. A vacation for him is a vacation for me.

I can not stand him and I want this over. Now.

Toto, where's my sparkling vampire?

I drove into work this morning enjoying the rain, listening the my Twilight Saga soundtracks. Good fun, right? I thought so. Someone genius at work burned popcorn and opened the microwave door, sending us all out in the rain. I didn't even get to see any firemen. They turned it into a drill. Hmph. Then, I obviously wore the wrong shoes with all the tornado sirens we had going off. I should have worn the ruby red slippers. Then maybe I wouldn't have been stuck in a room with too many people. At least tomorrow is Friday. Jeans. Tennies. Comfy. I wouldn't even mind more rain.

Rhetorical questions I'd like answered

Why do drivers that cut you off get mad when you call them out on it?

Why do other parents jump down your throat when they don't think you're doing a good enough job but can't seem to control their child in public?

Why does the chicken want us to continually ask why it's crossing the road? At this point, isn't it old enough to not need someone holding it's wing?

Why can't we all just get along?

Why does the co-worker think he's hot stuff when I have continually pointed out his many faults? Hygenie being at the top of the list. Dude, you stink. No girl wants that in a man. Take a shower. Use soap. Lots of it. Cut your hair regularly. Shave your face. You can't grow a beard. Those sploches make you look like someone played a prank on you but missed your eyebrow. Quit smoking. Throw away your clothes and get some that fit. No. Even the hobo down the street doesn't want your stanky rags. And finally figure out you are just too damn scrawny to drink any more than one beer. When you come to work smelling like a brewery (and not a good one mind you) it makes us all want to vomit. Oh. And he fish in my office. He's mine. I've bought everything for him and cleaned his bowl 10 times more than you. He belongs to me. Now, quit looking at me because you want to tell me some poor taste nerd joke you've already told me at least 12 times. It ain't happenin'.

oh boy!

so, my time off from work wasn't all that great. i ended up getting the cold that the receptionist had. figures. however, tomorrow the co-worker will be gone tomorrow through tuesday. 5 whole work days without him around. it's going to be glorious.

in case any of y'all forgot

i really don't like people. as a whole. and some specific ones. there are "persons" who's company i quite enjoy. sadly, i don't spend most of my day with them. last night, the monkey said that while she thinks working at a grocery store or restaurant (as examples) would be great experiences, she's pretty sure she would hate every moment of it, because as she puts it, she hates people, too. she made sure to put the "too" in that statement. she's so darn cute.

currently my receptionist is on my list. she's pretty much always on that list, but the last month or so, she's been #1. first she tries to spread rumors about me, now she's convinced she has the swine. lady, if you had the swine, what the h-e-double hockey sticks are you doing here? get your arse to the flippin' doctor and get your diagnosis/work excuse. quit making me sick. it's not she has to pay to visit the doctor. state health care for her, lazy cow. (trust me, i know she doesn't qualify any longer. i just haven't figured out how to have her case worker re-evaluate her case.) also, she seems to have a quack that will send in a note for her regardless if she and/or her spawn are seen by said quack.

and i'm pretty sure after today, the co-worker is #2. his presence is irritating. why can't he do more off-site visits? AND learn to understand that i don't like him that way. at all. never. ever. ever.

ugh.

twitterpated

think bambi. cute boy (or cabana boy, as one of the mom's from dance thinks i should call him) just called me at work. for the record, THIS is how one should feel when starting out with someone. we've only gone on a few dates, and i'm aware enough that doesn't mean anything relationship-wise. (read: this post -- someone still doesn't get it.) he makes my heart race and i can't keep from blushing. today he was trying to get me to come out to where he works to fix a printer. it's not really part of my job and i have to go up front in a few minutes to cover the front desk for the afternoon. he also wants me to be his boss. again... his boss has control issues and would freak the hell out if i suddenly became cb's boss. though, well... you can guess where my head just went. *blush*

oh! em! gee! are you for real?

how does the co-worker even function in today's society? i mean, he's in it, and has a mobile phone that is older than the monkey. really? i don't think he's ever sent a text message. i set up the smartphone another employee was given for work because the co-worker has no idea how to work one.

today i spontaneously giggled aloud while reading an email a friend of mine sent me. he asked about the joke, because i can usually keep my giggles much quieter than that. when i told him she had used the word "twitterpated," he gave me a blank stare. seriously? how can anyone from our generation NOT know what twitterpated means? get this. he actually thought it was a word stemming from twitter. a social forum that i'm QUITE sure he has never used. along with facebook, plaxo, linked in, etc... i don't even think he has a myspace page.

worse yet, he couldn't remember what movie it was from!!!

do not

if you're not going to take my suggestions seriously and/or strike them down, DO NOT ask for them in the first place. it's a gigantic waste of everyone's time.

i've been on/off about going to dance tonight. i'm pretty sure i'm going now. i need the discipline to burn off the anger of being talked over and completely ignored even when my opinion is solicited.

simple questions...

when ever i ask the co-worker something i think is a simple question, we always get into it. and i hate it, because he always feels the need to have the last word and is so obtuse he can't hear when you're telling him the conversation is done because you want to punch him in the face.

die die die!

little bitch wanker fucking douche bag of a co-worker.

i'm trying, really i am

honestly. i want to stay in a good mood. in 8 days i'm going to visit the senator. when i go, i don't want there to be any stress from work bothering me. so, i'm making an effort to remain "happy". today seems to be a struggle. there are so many factors that are really pushing for me to throttle someone.

sadly, i can't go into detail about the many things. given everything going on, i can't afford to be dooced. however, jm is riding his high horse again. could we please remind him he's the low man on the totem pole in our department as well as things like vacation requests are still first come first serve. if you wait too long to request it, you may not get the days you want. DUH!

grr...

i'm getting sick of jm not understanding that no one cares that he hates doing one tiny party of his job. it's a major part of the rest of the department's job and we hate it too.

so, nut it up buddy boy. it's part of your job too.