let me explain...

ok. so, as you all know the senator and i are no more. it's ok. we're still pals and everything is hunky dory between us.

after that, i went on plenty of fish.com and looked around. apparently most of the guys on there (or at least the ones that messaged me) seem to think that "hi" or massively misspelled and incomplete sentences are acceptable and should have me falling at their feet. now, i don't claim to be a grammar guru, but i'm a fan of mostly proper english. or at least spell check. in any case, i managed to find a couple of guys worth replying to.

one was a dud. we met for the date (i'm glad i had to reschedule our first one -- not really worthy of dance -- is that bad? tough.). you know the music on almost every game show when you choose wrong or don't win the prize? THAT music went through my head when i saw him. bad, i know. well, i went through with it. you know, just in case. it was probably the only date i've ever been on where i thought getting home at 11pm was too late. he kept wanting to leave to go dancing somewhere. i couldn't think of anywhere he would feel comfortable. besides, it wasn't dancing he wanted to do, it was the highschool grind. bleh.

the other one (who technically was the first) was better. we clicked and have gone on a few more dates. however he was the guy who prompted this post. wants to move WAY too fast for me. which says to me, we're not getting the same thing from one another. yes, i like him. a lot. yes, i'd like to continue seeing him. but not seriously. he already threw out the "L" word.
*crickets*
... awkward ...
i've tried talking to him about how i'm feeling that he's moving faster than i'm comfortable with and that i don't feel that way about him yet. what's remained unspoken is that if he continues this way, i won't feel this way about him, ever. but it's always that next sentence. he has to know, right?

there's one more. cute boy. we've gone on a few dates. i actually started seeing him first (if we want to be technical). he makes me twitterpated. it's the best explanation for how i feel about him. i'm well aware of how goofy he makes me look. i forget to breathe around him. remember how we all used to get in school when it came to boys? he always touches my arm, plays footsie with me, or holds my hand whenever we're together. all i'm capable of is giggling and looking like a fool. he must find that endearing because he keeps calling and making dates.

i have a date with cb tonight. i have no idea what we're going to do. we've planned only one (this will be no. 4) but i'm not worried about it. i'd actually prefer to just go to his place and watch a movie, but he might not be ready for me to come over yet. we were only a few blocks from his place at our last date, no invitation was extended. we'll see i guess.

twitterpated

think bambi. cute boy (or cabana boy, as one of the mom's from dance thinks i should call him) just called me at work. for the record, THIS is how one should feel when starting out with someone. we've only gone on a few dates, and i'm aware enough that doesn't mean anything relationship-wise. (read: this post -- someone still doesn't get it.) he makes my heart race and i can't keep from blushing. today he was trying to get me to come out to where he works to fix a printer. it's not really part of my job and i have to go up front in a few minutes to cover the front desk for the afternoon. he also wants me to be his boss. again... his boss has control issues and would freak the hell out if i suddenly became cb's boss. though, well... you can guess where my head just went. *blush*

oh, one more thing...

the senator and i are kaput. princess mikkimoto and more... knew that already. from our rockin' version of blogher '09, the madison version.

it wasn't the miles between us. it was the distance. you can't shut someone out for weeks at a time and expect them to always be there. even a dog would leave. it doesn't help that i've been finding out things about him that would have made our relationship impossible, even if he was living next door. never fear, we're going to remain friends. no really. he needs someone who will stick around through his crap and i need more ppl who love me no matter what.

now it's been said. *sigh*

the one where i don't say much

so, i have lots to say. except i have a headache right now. and tap class later. ugh. i'm not really looking forward to this. i won't have time for a nap before the class. unless i lay on the floor during the yoga class i wait in the lobby for. and nap then. in the lobby of my dance studio. what? i've done it before. in the dressing room of my old ballet studio. it would be 45 min of quiet time. and oh my damn i need some of that! so yah. i'm gonna pretend i'm typing with my face for the rest of work. then go hide at the studio until the monkey gets there for her lesson. and pray for quiet.

p.s.
i just found out (via stalking his fb page, sorry) that socrates and his gf are expecting. i'm a little sad that he didn't tell me, i guess i thought we were better friends than that. and i'm a little jealous.

speeding

normally, i'm fine with speeding. i figure, it's your ticket. and i'm definitely guilty of speeding. IN MY CAR.

relationships... that's a whole other bowl of chili.

seriously guys. we like you. if we say, "i like you," we really do mean that. also when we say, "i need this to progress slowly," we mean that too. so when we say we aren't able to see you for a couple weeks, there are no games being played. we're just being aware of our schedules, children, and massive dance schedule. plus, when we say, "i'm sorry, i have to sleep," again, we mean that too.

(not sleeping causes me to get sick. very sick. not a visit to the emergency room sick. a visit to the mental ward sick. i don't like that kind of sick. it's very scary to too many people who are vital to my survival -- namely the monkey. and me. it's a scary place i don't want to go to again.)

so. again... we like you. we want to see you too. we miss you a lot, perhaps not as much as you think we should, but a lot. but. we had a life before you came along, and we're not exactly thrilled with you wanting us to chuck it because it doesn't suit your plans for us.

so with that, SLOW THE FUCK DOWN! kids these days. sheesh.

dancing machine

what's the best place to go blow off steam?

the dance floor. anywhere i can find music and the space i need.

why do you go here when you need to unwind?

dancing is my release. i can think, work through problems. it's my "quiet" time. except i crank the music and move.

moving...

i couldn't help it. the first note. the moment i saw it. the tears... i couldn't stop them if i had wanted and they deserved to come.

EDIT: again with videos being removed. *sigh*

it was pain and beauty and sorrow and joy and ... oh everything you could imagine.

i'll have to remember to bring lots of kleenex with me to the show.

woot!

the monkey and i have tickets to see the sytycd tour when it comes to milwaukee in october. I. CAN. NOT. WAIT!!! silly? well, maybe a little. but it's inspiring to me. i will be attempting to choreograph a duet with the monkey for next spring's dance recital. thankfully, miss t is more than happy to help us. *whew* i think it's going to end up being contemporary. we've never been "trained" in that form, and the only partnering i've ever done has been ballroom. i'm planning lifts. eep!

oh yes, we're going.

DEFINITELY. last night's episode of "so you think you can dance?" had me in tears. again. [SPOILER ALERT!] travis wall (2nd finalist from season 2 - danced mia michael's emmy winning routine with heidi) came back to the show to choreograph. omg! i lack words to adequately describe how amazing it was.

edit: silly links to non-existent videos. grr...

after the stand ovation provided by the judges (and all the tears provided by me) i promised the monkey that we would go see the tour. even if it meant that was our christmas presents. i have to see that dance again. even now, having just watched the video, i still choke up. (note to self: bring plenty of tissues. i hope the monkey will be ok with her mom sobbing her heart out watching that, in public.)

the tour comes to us in early october. tickets go on sale NEXT SATURDAY. needless to say, i WILL be getting us tickets. because ... damn. that was beautiful.

*ignore the little ad. the first video i chose was removed. :(

reserved

i watched the latest true blood episode last night. ooh... now, to get reading the books. i have the list all worked up, and the first one reserved. but... i'm the 104th request for that book. they have a lot in our system, but still. *sigh* also, requesting one at a time to make sure i get them in order. it's going to take me a long time. :(

*thank you princess mikkimoto for the library link too. :D

oh! em! gee! are you for real?

how does the co-worker even function in today's society? i mean, he's in it, and has a mobile phone that is older than the monkey. really? i don't think he's ever sent a text message. i set up the smartphone another employee was given for work because the co-worker has no idea how to work one.

today i spontaneously giggled aloud while reading an email a friend of mine sent me. he asked about the joke, because i can usually keep my giggles much quieter than that. when i told him she had used the word "twitterpated," he gave me a blank stare. seriously? how can anyone from our generation NOT know what twitterpated means? get this. he actually thought it was a word stemming from twitter. a social forum that i'm QUITE sure he has never used. along with facebook, plaxo, linked in, etc... i don't even think he has a myspace page.

worse yet, he couldn't remember what movie it was from!!!

a decided lack of things...

i'd post something. but... i haven't had anything much to say. i've been a huge kick of doing nothing much. oh i watched a bunch of true blood (my new addiction!) recently. i'm all caught up, i think. i've read some pretty ok books. mostly vampire. mostly young adult/teen. it's kind of fun having a pre-teen. she's 12 now. eep!

time capsule #3

ok. i took a lot of photos of loud. i mean a lot. thank goodness she's smokin' and totally photogenic.

time capsule #2

wow. loud totally rockin' out. hehehe...

"calgon, take me away!"

i love lists. here's my "to-do list" for the summer. here's hoping it doesn't stop at the beginning of school this fall.

• clean my house: because if i don't, i'm going to want to burn it down or go completely mad. neither is a very good option.

• spend as little as possible: i'd like to use what i have. sure the economy needs my money, but i don't have enough to give it lots. i'm realistic enough to know that i can't stop spending all together. i have a growing monkey and a shopping itch that needs scratching regularly. but i AM trying to be far more honest with whether or not i need something. will i actually use it? will i really wear it?
  

• get back into shape: a couple of years ago, i lost a lot of weight. while i loved losing it, it wasn't done healthy. this summer i'd like to get my butt moving and get it back to where it was. i know i already eat relatively healthy (ignore the bag of pretzels at my desk) but i haven't been moving as much. the dog needs it. i need it. move we will.

• clean my house, for real: did i mention clean my house? because it needs it. badly. anyone have an extra trash can i can use?