today will be...

interesting. i grabbed a hot straightening iron this morning and now have a minor burn. the monkey handed it to me and i wasn't paying attention (i thought i was grabbing the brush until i realized how hot it was). and now i just had a conversation with a friend about her ex boyfriend and it brought up feelings that apparently have been simmering under the surface. i'll be fine. but i'm worried about them. for different reasons. he's fighting something that only she sees and i see her willing to lose the fight for herself. i understand why she's doing it. he needs that friend, that person who won't let him go down easy. so i'm offering my support. she needs it just as much as he does. that one extra person in their corner. except now, i just want to go home and cry for the rest of the day.

say good-bye

cute boy (aka cabana boy) has left. i think. i'm getting all sorts of information about him that definitely makes me glad nothing happened beyond some wishful thinking. it's ok. he was young. :) i never really expected anything to come of it anyway.

color me

laura coulter

i would wear black. i always wear black. it's slimming (come on, who doesn't feel they could shed a pound or two). it suits almost all occasions. it can be dressed up and be straight up classy, or it can be just as comfy and casual as can be. most of my wardrobe is already black. as a plus, i look really good in black. :) i'm lucky enough to have a skin tone that is complimented by wearing black. sadly, i will never be a blond. funny side note: i was with another stylist -- mine was attending to a family emergency, never fear, i am loyal to my bradley -- and i asked matthew about going blond. he announced there is a shade of blond for everyone. "except you." to which i giggled, and everyone else in the business in the room looked at me, and agreed.

so i wear black.

*note: i WISH i had this dress. it is fabulous!

oh boy!

so, my time off from work wasn't all that great. i ended up getting the cold that the receptionist had. figures. however, tomorrow the co-worker will be gone tomorrow through tuesday. 5 whole work days without him around. it's going to be glorious.

it's my favorite time of year

halloween.

i had to change the colors to match. :D

one day i'll learn to make my own site and actually use nifty banners and such. one day...

in case any of y'all forgot

i really don't like people. as a whole. and some specific ones. there are "persons" who's company i quite enjoy. sadly, i don't spend most of my day with them. last night, the monkey said that while she thinks working at a grocery store or restaurant (as examples) would be great experiences, she's pretty sure she would hate every moment of it, because as she puts it, she hates people, too. she made sure to put the "too" in that statement. she's so darn cute.

currently my receptionist is on my list. she's pretty much always on that list, but the last month or so, she's been #1. first she tries to spread rumors about me, now she's convinced she has the swine. lady, if you had the swine, what the h-e-double hockey sticks are you doing here? get your arse to the flippin' doctor and get your diagnosis/work excuse. quit making me sick. it's not she has to pay to visit the doctor. state health care for her, lazy cow. (trust me, i know she doesn't qualify any longer. i just haven't figured out how to have her case worker re-evaluate her case.) also, she seems to have a quack that will send in a note for her regardless if she and/or her spawn are seen by said quack.

and i'm pretty sure after today, the co-worker is #2. his presence is irritating. why can't he do more off-site visits? AND learn to understand that i don't like him that way. at all. never. ever. ever.

ugh.

because they're always 100% correct

i took a facebook quiz to find out what i should be for halloween. a princess. hmm...

so i went shopping to find a princess dress. the first one didn't fit. it really would have been perfect. instead i found a black one and a red one. both full length. both strapless. both fit pretty dang perfect. both $10 each. thank you goodwill! i called cb for assistance in choosing one, he preferred the red one, but was really no help. so i got both. they need to be cleaned. whoever wore them last used A LOT of deodorant. i mean A LOT. i don't have any parties lined up, but i like dressing up. and maybe cb will be smart and invite me to one. otherwise i have two new dresses i can use for ballroom events.

i'm hoping for a date with cb tomorrow night. i hope.

last night L-word guy tried chatting. i'm cleaning this weekend. my house this time. i don't think he liked that. then later, he sends me texts saying he's near my neck of the woods. which caused me to start thinking awful things, like him stopping by my house (for the record: he does not know where i live, just the name of the town). that made my brain kick into overdrive and this cascade of crap started coming out of it. well i nipped that in the bud. no way was i going to get mad at him for something my whacked out brain came up with. sleeping pill: 1. crazy thoughts: 0. now i just feel thick today. not hungover, with the bad gross-ness feeling. thick.

according to silver b, cb and i just need to "get it on" and i'll calm down. hello?! don't you think that's what i want to happen!?! any day now please.

let me explain...

ok. so, as you all know the senator and i are no more. it's ok. we're still pals and everything is hunky dory between us.

after that, i went on plenty of fish.com and looked around. apparently most of the guys on there (or at least the ones that messaged me) seem to think that "hi" or massively misspelled and incomplete sentences are acceptable and should have me falling at their feet. now, i don't claim to be a grammar guru, but i'm a fan of mostly proper english. or at least spell check. in any case, i managed to find a couple of guys worth replying to.

one was a dud. we met for the date (i'm glad i had to reschedule our first one -- not really worthy of dance -- is that bad? tough.). you know the music on almost every game show when you choose wrong or don't win the prize? THAT music went through my head when i saw him. bad, i know. well, i went through with it. you know, just in case. it was probably the only date i've ever been on where i thought getting home at 11pm was too late. he kept wanting to leave to go dancing somewhere. i couldn't think of anywhere he would feel comfortable. besides, it wasn't dancing he wanted to do, it was the highschool grind. bleh.

the other one (who technically was the first) was better. we clicked and have gone on a few more dates. however he was the guy who prompted this post. wants to move WAY too fast for me. which says to me, we're not getting the same thing from one another. yes, i like him. a lot. yes, i'd like to continue seeing him. but not seriously. he already threw out the "L" word.
*crickets*
... awkward ...
i've tried talking to him about how i'm feeling that he's moving faster than i'm comfortable with and that i don't feel that way about him yet. what's remained unspoken is that if he continues this way, i won't feel this way about him, ever. but it's always that next sentence. he has to know, right?

there's one more. cute boy. we've gone on a few dates. i actually started seeing him first (if we want to be technical). he makes me twitterpated. it's the best explanation for how i feel about him. i'm well aware of how goofy he makes me look. i forget to breathe around him. remember how we all used to get in school when it came to boys? he always touches my arm, plays footsie with me, or holds my hand whenever we're together. all i'm capable of is giggling and looking like a fool. he must find that endearing because he keeps calling and making dates.

i have a date with cb tonight. i have no idea what we're going to do. we've planned only one (this will be no. 4) but i'm not worried about it. i'd actually prefer to just go to his place and watch a movie, but he might not be ready for me to come over yet. we were only a few blocks from his place at our last date, no invitation was extended. we'll see i guess.

twitterpated

think bambi. cute boy (or cabana boy, as one of the mom's from dance thinks i should call him) just called me at work. for the record, THIS is how one should feel when starting out with someone. we've only gone on a few dates, and i'm aware enough that doesn't mean anything relationship-wise. (read: this post -- someone still doesn't get it.) he makes my heart race and i can't keep from blushing. today he was trying to get me to come out to where he works to fix a printer. it's not really part of my job and i have to go up front in a few minutes to cover the front desk for the afternoon. he also wants me to be his boss. again... his boss has control issues and would freak the hell out if i suddenly became cb's boss. though, well... you can guess where my head just went. *blush*

oh, one more thing...

the senator and i are kaput. princess mikkimoto and more... knew that already. from our rockin' version of blogher '09, the madison version.

it wasn't the miles between us. it was the distance. you can't shut someone out for weeks at a time and expect them to always be there. even a dog would leave. it doesn't help that i've been finding out things about him that would have made our relationship impossible, even if he was living next door. never fear, we're going to remain friends. no really. he needs someone who will stick around through his crap and i need more ppl who love me no matter what.

now it's been said. *sigh*

the one where i don't say much

so, i have lots to say. except i have a headache right now. and tap class later. ugh. i'm not really looking forward to this. i won't have time for a nap before the class. unless i lay on the floor during the yoga class i wait in the lobby for. and nap then. in the lobby of my dance studio. what? i've done it before. in the dressing room of my old ballet studio. it would be 45 min of quiet time. and oh my damn i need some of that! so yah. i'm gonna pretend i'm typing with my face for the rest of work. then go hide at the studio until the monkey gets there for her lesson. and pray for quiet.

p.s.
i just found out (via stalking his fb page, sorry) that socrates and his gf are expecting. i'm a little sad that he didn't tell me, i guess i thought we were better friends than that. and i'm a little jealous.

speeding

normally, i'm fine with speeding. i figure, it's your ticket. and i'm definitely guilty of speeding. IN MY CAR.

relationships... that's a whole other bowl of chili.

seriously guys. we like you. if we say, "i like you," we really do mean that. also when we say, "i need this to progress slowly," we mean that too. so when we say we aren't able to see you for a couple weeks, there are no games being played. we're just being aware of our schedules, children, and massive dance schedule. plus, when we say, "i'm sorry, i have to sleep," again, we mean that too.

(not sleeping causes me to get sick. very sick. not a visit to the emergency room sick. a visit to the mental ward sick. i don't like that kind of sick. it's very scary to too many people who are vital to my survival -- namely the monkey. and me. it's a scary place i don't want to go to again.)

so. again... we like you. we want to see you too. we miss you a lot, perhaps not as much as you think we should, but a lot. but. we had a life before you came along, and we're not exactly thrilled with you wanting us to chuck it because it doesn't suit your plans for us.

so with that, SLOW THE FUCK DOWN! kids these days. sheesh.

dancing machine

what's the best place to go blow off steam?

the dance floor. anywhere i can find music and the space i need.

why do you go here when you need to unwind?

dancing is my release. i can think, work through problems. it's my "quiet" time. except i crank the music and move.

moving...

i couldn't help it. the first note. the moment i saw it. the tears... i couldn't stop them if i had wanted and they deserved to come.

EDIT: again with videos being removed. *sigh*

it was pain and beauty and sorrow and joy and ... oh everything you could imagine.

i'll have to remember to bring lots of kleenex with me to the show.

woot!

the monkey and i have tickets to see the sytycd tour when it comes to milwaukee in october. I. CAN. NOT. WAIT!!! silly? well, maybe a little. but it's inspiring to me. i will be attempting to choreograph a duet with the monkey for next spring's dance recital. thankfully, miss t is more than happy to help us. *whew* i think it's going to end up being contemporary. we've never been "trained" in that form, and the only partnering i've ever done has been ballroom. i'm planning lifts. eep!