hello? anyone there?

i don't know what to say. what to do. how can i help? or even just be supportive? the senator isn't talking to me. again. he's shutdown. or shut me out. i don't know. last time, i emailed, text'd, called... at least once a day (definitely more). at first to find out what was going on. then to let him know i was hurt and angry. then to let him know i still care and was here when he was ready. he had his reasons for this. but we've since talked about it. and i let him know how much it hurt my feelings and made me angry. but this time, there wasn't any reason i could see to shut me out. again. last time i was told to be patient, that if i didn't push, things would get sorted out faster. ok. so this time, its been four days since the last time i heard from him. the first time it was seven. i'm not sure how long i can keep this up. i called tonight, hoping. apparently that was too much. if i don't keep myself constantly distracted, i get this lump in my throat that i can't swallow past too well. i feel vaguely nauseous (no, i'm NOT pregnant). i want to cry. not just the tears i cry when watching grey's anatomy (omg, i've NEVER NOT cried at that damn show), but the body racking sobs that little kids do when they're over-tired and hungry and things have just gone wrong once too often. if i don't keep myself distracted, i think about all the things that won't be happening. the faces i don't see in my dreams any longer. he said he was not like the other men in my life. no? right now, i'm not sure i see the difference.

*for the record, i'm not looking for anyone to tell me it's ok to end it. i'm not ready to end it. i still want to fight for what i want. i just need to know i'm not the only one fighting...