If a Man Wants You - DivineCaroline

A friend of mine shared this on Facebook. It was EXACTLY what I needed to see. I want to share it with all of you as well.

So Tired of It

I am tired of being broke. I'm quite sure a lot of you know what I'm talking about. This will be one of the slimmest Christmas' of our lives. If it can't be crocheted, no one is getting it. At least not from me. Thank goodness Monkey has experience slim Christmas' before. And that she doesn't really need anything right now.

Dear Santa,
Could you please take care of my bills? I've been good this year.
Thank you,
zeghsy

A New Cake Recipe

The preceding post is brought to you by my absolutely shitty love life. It's no longer complicated, it's just non-existent. I have that song on repeat. Have since yesterday after work. I got the email at 11:30pm Tuesday night. Coward.

But the song isn't to feed my depression. Its to remind me I came from so much worse than this and became stronger and more beautiful. My bounce will be back soon. You'll see the fierce me.

A friend just said to me, "If you make a cake the same way and it's wrong, of course you end up with a crappy cake every time. We have to look at your recipe and how you bake it." So, I'm getting a new cake recipe. Any suggestions would be welcome.

I allowed myself to wallow yesterday. All black, sunglasses in the office, crying the whole way home. I'm done now. Onward and upward. I knew when this started I wouldn't let it consume me like it had before.

Take a good look buddy. You lost all this and more. You've made your bed, I hope you like laying in it for eternity. 

I Found A Boy

I thought I told you, he'd be home soon
Couldn't help myself, you're too good to be true.
I fall short each time,
Every time he ain't here,
You and your charm creep closer, closer in here,
Like a fool for fire I fall, with my pride and all.
Like a bomb before explosion,
Ticking by your call.
You're the wiser one, disguised from greed,
And I'm just a child who belongs on her knees.

But I found a boy who I love more,
Than I ever did you before,
So stand beside the river I cried,
And let yourself down!
Look how you want me now that I don't need you.

So, you thought that I would crumble to my knees
At the first sight of you, crawling back to me
To whisper "will you leave your man?"
Cause you swear that this time you can stand by me. I won't stand by you.

Cause I found a boy who I love more,
Than I ever did you before,
So stand beside the river I cried
And let yourself down!
Look how you want me now that I don't need you.

I ain't yours for no taking,
You must be mistaken
I could never look in your eyes, and settle for wrong
And ignore the right

Well I found a boy who loves me more,
Than you ever did me before.
So stand beside the river you'll cry
And let yourself down!
Look how you want me now that I don't need you.

-Adele

This is my kid

And I love admitting it!

The difficult thing

First, I'm not quitting. I just can't think of anything to say. I'd talk about my love life, but it's complicated and not necessarily my story to share. Nothing really worth sharing happens at work anymore. Monkey is taking her teenage years seriously and we're hitting it like a brick wall. I'd share tidbits about her but we haven't had the "Mom you can't blog about me anymore. Gawd! You're ruining my life-a!" talk. I don't cook. I don't live on a ranch. I am crazy, but other than messing with my love life, it's pretty well under control. *sigh* I'm sure il come up with something. Just bought you'd like to know I was still alive and kicking.

Brilliant. Off to bed for me now. Dance class tomorrow and then a date. Still not sure if I want this date. I'll go. I'm just not sure it will be everything we're thinking it will be. And we have fairly different ideas on how it will go.

Oh The Unfairness of It All

Because it's going to be a gazillion degrees today, Monkey wore a very cute top and shorts to school. The top has spaghetti straps. They're not allowed at school. I'm waiting for the call from school. Not to bring her a different shirt, but because she is being insubordinate. She said if she was asked to change, she would tell "them" that the only way she would, is if they had anyone else wearing clothing that violated the dress code change as well. I told her I would stick up for her. this would not be the first time she's experienced this issue. Her friend had to call her mother to ask her to bring some pants, because she was told her dress was too short. She had dark tights on. Other girls on that same day, had shorter skirts/dresses and no tights. My daughter is one of the last people who dresses inappropriately. She understands fashion but has a sense of self worth that makes it so she doesn't feel the need to flaunt her body. She recently had a dance recital that one of her costumes she felt was too short. This all while she was wearing opaque tights and dance pants under the skirt (which had built in shorts). I'm sure there will come a day when I have to ask her to cover up before leaving the house, but thankfully, that time isn't now.

Really?

I was so proud of myself this morning. I had decided what I wanted for lunch today before 10am. I sent the co-worker an email about it.

To: Co-worker
From: zeghsy
Sent: Thu 5/5/2011 9:54 AM
Subject: Happy Cinco de Maio

*Suggestion for local Mexican restaurant we both enjoy*?

His response? "I ate stuffed peppers last night and now I'm not sure I can do Mexican again today. I may not even make it through the day here."

Really? What is he, new?

~~~~~

Later, I'm complaining to our boss about someone else who can't seem to follow direction, knows he's not following direction, and makes "witty remarks" about it. I think I should return the task he'd like me to do, with a reminder to follow the instructions, and see how many times it takes. The co-worker seems to think I should change how I receive my tasks, making MORE WORK for me by having to track time spent on the tasks. Removing options until you force someone to do a thing the way you want, doesn't teach them anything. He's an enabler. I hate it.

I really need a new job.

I feel like I've "arrived"

I received my first spam comment. I feel like I'm on the red carpet of the blogging world. It was in Russian, and talked politics (which I NEVER do) and was NOTHING about my post. I think it would have only been better if it had told me I could increase the size of my penis and/or helped out my long lost, gazillionaire uncle from Uganda.

How Do Regular People Do This?

I spent all of last year avoiding too much "excitement". I tend to crash. Hard. They say life is a rollercoaster. Rollercoasters make me sick. Life is boring as all get-out, but the lack of nausea sometimes makes up for that. My emotions are all over the place. I have trouble remembering which way is up. Yes, I'm remembering my medication. These are the times I hang on to it like a life line. All that crap I went through before is so close I can almost touch it. And it scares the shit out of me. I need a bucket to start bailing and all I have is a cup. Where are my hip-waders? (Which by the way, I'm thinking of making fashionable. You know you'd love a hot pink pair, with say, skulls on them to be edgy. Or in a cute plaid.)

Contagious?

I would much rather have stayed at home today. Can you get a "case of the Mondays" on Sunday? I think it started then for me. Bleh. As a result, I'm in all black. Not sure what I'm mourning. It just suits my mood.

You've known me for how long?

And yet people at work still think I care about anything before 9:30am. Seriously? Dude, I don't care about the gossip you feel you need to share with me before you've even taken off your coat. You were late, and I was early. Let's focus on that. Or how about y'all not crack wise to me? You're not funny at 2:30pm. You're even less funny at 8:50am. Let me finish my chai, ignore the fuck out of you, and go about my morning in peace.

And where are all the guns?

What the hey?! I'm starting to rethink this whole idea of getting back into dating. Apparently I'm having the darnedest time find someone decent and works similar hours to me. The latest one and I talked a good long time before we got around to even making a date. But he manages a bar/restaurant meaning he works most nights and every weekend. I was supposed to meet him after work yesterday, but I slept through it. I didn't mean to. I even set an alarm. But at 1am, I don't function so well when I have to get up at 6:30am. *sigh*

Wha?

I let my guard down for five minutes and someone comes in a kicks me right in the ego. The last year, I have spent my time doing things I wanted to do, making sacrifices only I felt truly necessary (close friends and family). He came to me timidly, seeming very sweet and kind. He's a gentleman. He treated me with nothing but kindness and understanding. Sadly, he has already given up on "us". Not even a first date to have gone wrong. We work differing hours and he felt it would be too hard to see each other. Yes, I had to pick my jaw up too. Even when I've dated people who work the same hours as me, I've had trouble seeing them all the time. I do things after work. Monkey has ballroom and other activities. My feelings are hurt. He was the first guy in a long time I've bothered to put any effort in. But I draw the line at putting all the effort and getting none in return. *sigh*

So you want to make a resolution

There has been a lot of talk about resolutions lately. None of it from me. Usually, I don't make them for myself. The things I've always thought I should change about me I figured I change them or I wouldn't. A resolution wouldn't make me do it any more or less than deciding mid-year to make a change. However, I'm picking the beginning of the new year to make this change. I want to be healthier, better. To do that, I have to start with my space. It will start small, but I intend to make my space mine. I've been in my house for over 6 years and not once have I felt comfortable having guests over or really felt like it was my home. I'm changing that. I know me though. I may want it done by the end of the week, but if I can't do it "the right way" I won't do it. I'm going to focus on the small things I can do and gradually make them bigger until one day I look around here and proudly say, "Sure stop by whenever," and NOT cringe.

I may be small now, but I'll get bigger one day.