sucky...

i hate that i miss him so much. i called him last night. he just called me back. disappointed? yah, i was but hey, shit happens. now i want to cry.

we had made plans for me to go see him this weekend, but now he says he might be coming down here to see family. while that's cool (petrol is freaking expensive after all), i was looking forward to not being around here, getting away, and i had made some plans with new friends up by him for friday night.

there's the time. i didn't see him until almost 1am last time. if he wants to go dancing, we really can't wait that long. we had an issue with rude dancers last time and it colored our evening. i don't want to sit around doing nothing all day and most of the night, while i wait for him. (yes, i know. i shouldn't wait for any man to call. i should just go and do the thing i want.) also, i want to be able to just be alone with him.

i love each and every moment i have with him. but sometimes, i kind of wish he hadn't called me again. my life really wouldn't be any different. i'm trying to live, not hoping for him. i mean, i have speed here. he and i aren't ready for more. while socrates and i want more, he can't give it to me, yet. if ever. so i take his friendship and i don't ask for more.

disappointed. yah. enough that my lesson tonight will be a little difficult.