what we do when we're bored

well, with the recent snow day we had, monkey and i watched all of the recorded shows we had on our dvr. so what do two couch potatoes do when there's nothing to watch? find new movies! since the beginning of my vacation, we have watched (not necessarily in this order) "four christmases" (funny, didn't go anywhere, but funny), "julie & julia" (good but made us both really hungry), "my life in ruins" (also funny, makes me want to travel and find my 'kefi'),"night at the museum 2, battle of the smithsonian" (little wax people kicking arse make me giggle), "the ugly truth" (monkey was surprised to find that the guy was also the phantom), and "up" (seriously, has pixar done anything bad yet?). also "my sister's keeper" really IS the saddest movie. ever. 1 extra large box of kleenex gone between me and the monkey. sheesh. what am i, a girl?! oh. right. i am. and the one who cries all the dang time.

now we're watching nickelodeon's avatar: the last airbender. i never got to see all the episodes and the ones i did see were dreadfully out of order. i love little aang. he's so darn cute.

we're supposed to be cleaning too. i officially have one drawer cleaned out. it's a start. i'll do more once monkey is off on her holiday travels. she's hard to motivate. (ok, i mean me... *hangs head*)

kick back...

and relax. as of 5pm, i was officially on my christmas vacation. i'm off until the 28th. it feels good. i need this. as soon as i hit publish on this, i'll put my sleeping companion, my best little monkey, to bed and go to mine.

dear santa, please make my house clean. i've been good this year. xoxo zeghsy

think it'll work?

p.s. marti just jumped on me. oof. fewer snacks for him.

scary...

as of december 21st, monkey and i will not be dancing. sadly the monkey hasn't been doing well in school. this is troubling when anyone who has met her knows she should be acing school. this coming semester will be a lesson in learning her priorities and (hopefully) letting everyone in her world know that she is an A student and she will get those grades. even if it means she turns off everything around her to be able to focus. i know she'll do this. she was crushed when i told her of my decision to withdraw us from dance. we did quite a bit of crying. but as a good parent, i can not let her grades go without repercussions. Ds and Fs are just not acceptable. her father is not happy. sadly it's taken this for him to become interested in her schooling. she'll still have choir, which she loves. that is the one class she's getting the most solid A i've ever seen. she's hoping to prepare a solo for the solo/ensemble concert this spring. i've suggested she ask her teacher for help with this. sadly, i'm no help when it comes to singing. we've also asked her aunt, who in high school was a star herself, and sang at my wedding when i married monkey's dad. funny, i know she sang a beatles song, i know it was so beautiful it moved me to tears, but i can't remember WHAT song it was.

what scares me is that i've been using dance as a form of therapy for me. i'm sure i'll find something else. possibly join the anytime fitness club that is in my town... but i'm finding little moments of panic when i think about it.

i'm trying to look at the silver lining. i'll be able to save some money. i won't have to buy a ballroom gown for monkey just yet. (miss princess -- different princess than our princess mikkimoto -- wants her students to compete in wisconsin state dancesport competition this april and they require actual ballroom dress for the competition.) i'm going to FINALLY clean my house of all the crap that's in it. (here's where i ask that you guys get on my case about it.) i'm going to take the opportunity to get my life in order again. sorting will help.

i hope that i can count on you all to support me and remind me i won't die without dancing. or, take me out once in a while to the dance floors around here to boogie, even for an hour or two. :D

i'm still here...

no, i haven't forgotten you. yes, i miss you too.

right now, i'm listening to lots of christmas music to get into the mood. it works... most of the time. there are a few songs that i can't listen to, i just skip that one, or play a cd instead.

last night, i made a quick present for a friend here at work. she liked it so much and had to show it off, i some how got an order for two more. and i'm getting paid! :)

today will be...

interesting. i grabbed a hot straightening iron this morning and now have a minor burn. the monkey handed it to me and i wasn't paying attention (i thought i was grabbing the brush until i realized how hot it was). and now i just had a conversation with a friend about her ex boyfriend and it brought up feelings that apparently have been simmering under the surface. i'll be fine. but i'm worried about them. for different reasons. he's fighting something that only she sees and i see her willing to lose the fight for herself. i understand why she's doing it. he needs that friend, that person who won't let him go down easy. so i'm offering my support. she needs it just as much as he does. that one extra person in their corner. except now, i just want to go home and cry for the rest of the day.

say good-bye

cute boy (aka cabana boy) has left. i think. i'm getting all sorts of information about him that definitely makes me glad nothing happened beyond some wishful thinking. it's ok. he was young. :) i never really expected anything to come of it anyway.

color me

laura coulter

i would wear black. i always wear black. it's slimming (come on, who doesn't feel they could shed a pound or two). it suits almost all occasions. it can be dressed up and be straight up classy, or it can be just as comfy and casual as can be. most of my wardrobe is already black. as a plus, i look really good in black. :) i'm lucky enough to have a skin tone that is complimented by wearing black. sadly, i will never be a blond. funny side note: i was with another stylist -- mine was attending to a family emergency, never fear, i am loyal to my bradley -- and i asked matthew about going blond. he announced there is a shade of blond for everyone. "except you." to which i giggled, and everyone else in the business in the room looked at me, and agreed.

so i wear black.

*note: i WISH i had this dress. it is fabulous!

oh boy!

so, my time off from work wasn't all that great. i ended up getting the cold that the receptionist had. figures. however, tomorrow the co-worker will be gone tomorrow through tuesday. 5 whole work days without him around. it's going to be glorious.

it's my favorite time of year

halloween.

i had to change the colors to match. :D

one day i'll learn to make my own site and actually use nifty banners and such. one day...

in case any of y'all forgot

i really don't like people. as a whole. and some specific ones. there are "persons" who's company i quite enjoy. sadly, i don't spend most of my day with them. last night, the monkey said that while she thinks working at a grocery store or restaurant (as examples) would be great experiences, she's pretty sure she would hate every moment of it, because as she puts it, she hates people, too. she made sure to put the "too" in that statement. she's so darn cute.

currently my receptionist is on my list. she's pretty much always on that list, but the last month or so, she's been #1. first she tries to spread rumors about me, now she's convinced she has the swine. lady, if you had the swine, what the h-e-double hockey sticks are you doing here? get your arse to the flippin' doctor and get your diagnosis/work excuse. quit making me sick. it's not she has to pay to visit the doctor. state health care for her, lazy cow. (trust me, i know she doesn't qualify any longer. i just haven't figured out how to have her case worker re-evaluate her case.) also, she seems to have a quack that will send in a note for her regardless if she and/or her spawn are seen by said quack.

and i'm pretty sure after today, the co-worker is #2. his presence is irritating. why can't he do more off-site visits? AND learn to understand that i don't like him that way. at all. never. ever. ever.

ugh.

because they're always 100% correct

i took a facebook quiz to find out what i should be for halloween. a princess. hmm...

so i went shopping to find a princess dress. the first one didn't fit. it really would have been perfect. instead i found a black one and a red one. both full length. both strapless. both fit pretty dang perfect. both $10 each. thank you goodwill! i called cb for assistance in choosing one, he preferred the red one, but was really no help. so i got both. they need to be cleaned. whoever wore them last used A LOT of deodorant. i mean A LOT. i don't have any parties lined up, but i like dressing up. and maybe cb will be smart and invite me to one. otherwise i have two new dresses i can use for ballroom events.

i'm hoping for a date with cb tomorrow night. i hope.

last night L-word guy tried chatting. i'm cleaning this weekend. my house this time. i don't think he liked that. then later, he sends me texts saying he's near my neck of the woods. which caused me to start thinking awful things, like him stopping by my house (for the record: he does not know where i live, just the name of the town). that made my brain kick into overdrive and this cascade of crap started coming out of it. well i nipped that in the bud. no way was i going to get mad at him for something my whacked out brain came up with. sleeping pill: 1. crazy thoughts: 0. now i just feel thick today. not hungover, with the bad gross-ness feeling. thick.

according to silver b, cb and i just need to "get it on" and i'll calm down. hello?! don't you think that's what i want to happen!?! any day now please.

let me explain...

ok. so, as you all know the senator and i are no more. it's ok. we're still pals and everything is hunky dory between us.

after that, i went on plenty of fish.com and looked around. apparently most of the guys on there (or at least the ones that messaged me) seem to think that "hi" or massively misspelled and incomplete sentences are acceptable and should have me falling at their feet. now, i don't claim to be a grammar guru, but i'm a fan of mostly proper english. or at least spell check. in any case, i managed to find a couple of guys worth replying to.

one was a dud. we met for the date (i'm glad i had to reschedule our first one -- not really worthy of dance -- is that bad? tough.). you know the music on almost every game show when you choose wrong or don't win the prize? THAT music went through my head when i saw him. bad, i know. well, i went through with it. you know, just in case. it was probably the only date i've ever been on where i thought getting home at 11pm was too late. he kept wanting to leave to go dancing somewhere. i couldn't think of anywhere he would feel comfortable. besides, it wasn't dancing he wanted to do, it was the highschool grind. bleh.

the other one (who technically was the first) was better. we clicked and have gone on a few more dates. however he was the guy who prompted this post. wants to move WAY too fast for me. which says to me, we're not getting the same thing from one another. yes, i like him. a lot. yes, i'd like to continue seeing him. but not seriously. he already threw out the "L" word.
*crickets*
... awkward ...
i've tried talking to him about how i'm feeling that he's moving faster than i'm comfortable with and that i don't feel that way about him yet. what's remained unspoken is that if he continues this way, i won't feel this way about him, ever. but it's always that next sentence. he has to know, right?

there's one more. cute boy. we've gone on a few dates. i actually started seeing him first (if we want to be technical). he makes me twitterpated. it's the best explanation for how i feel about him. i'm well aware of how goofy he makes me look. i forget to breathe around him. remember how we all used to get in school when it came to boys? he always touches my arm, plays footsie with me, or holds my hand whenever we're together. all i'm capable of is giggling and looking like a fool. he must find that endearing because he keeps calling and making dates.

i have a date with cb tonight. i have no idea what we're going to do. we've planned only one (this will be no. 4) but i'm not worried about it. i'd actually prefer to just go to his place and watch a movie, but he might not be ready for me to come over yet. we were only a few blocks from his place at our last date, no invitation was extended. we'll see i guess.

twitterpated

think bambi. cute boy (or cabana boy, as one of the mom's from dance thinks i should call him) just called me at work. for the record, THIS is how one should feel when starting out with someone. we've only gone on a few dates, and i'm aware enough that doesn't mean anything relationship-wise. (read: this post -- someone still doesn't get it.) he makes my heart race and i can't keep from blushing. today he was trying to get me to come out to where he works to fix a printer. it's not really part of my job and i have to go up front in a few minutes to cover the front desk for the afternoon. he also wants me to be his boss. again... his boss has control issues and would freak the hell out if i suddenly became cb's boss. though, well... you can guess where my head just went. *blush*

oh, one more thing...

the senator and i are kaput. princess mikkimoto and more... knew that already. from our rockin' version of blogher '09, the madison version.

it wasn't the miles between us. it was the distance. you can't shut someone out for weeks at a time and expect them to always be there. even a dog would leave. it doesn't help that i've been finding out things about him that would have made our relationship impossible, even if he was living next door. never fear, we're going to remain friends. no really. he needs someone who will stick around through his crap and i need more ppl who love me no matter what.

now it's been said. *sigh*

the one where i don't say much

so, i have lots to say. except i have a headache right now. and tap class later. ugh. i'm not really looking forward to this. i won't have time for a nap before the class. unless i lay on the floor during the yoga class i wait in the lobby for. and nap then. in the lobby of my dance studio. what? i've done it before. in the dressing room of my old ballet studio. it would be 45 min of quiet time. and oh my damn i need some of that! so yah. i'm gonna pretend i'm typing with my face for the rest of work. then go hide at the studio until the monkey gets there for her lesson. and pray for quiet.

p.s.
i just found out (via stalking his fb page, sorry) that socrates and his gf are expecting. i'm a little sad that he didn't tell me, i guess i thought we were better friends than that. and i'm a little jealous.

speeding

normally, i'm fine with speeding. i figure, it's your ticket. and i'm definitely guilty of speeding. IN MY CAR.

relationships... that's a whole other bowl of chili.

seriously guys. we like you. if we say, "i like you," we really do mean that. also when we say, "i need this to progress slowly," we mean that too. so when we say we aren't able to see you for a couple weeks, there are no games being played. we're just being aware of our schedules, children, and massive dance schedule. plus, when we say, "i'm sorry, i have to sleep," again, we mean that too.

(not sleeping causes me to get sick. very sick. not a visit to the emergency room sick. a visit to the mental ward sick. i don't like that kind of sick. it's very scary to too many people who are vital to my survival -- namely the monkey. and me. it's a scary place i don't want to go to again.)

so. again... we like you. we want to see you too. we miss you a lot, perhaps not as much as you think we should, but a lot. but. we had a life before you came along, and we're not exactly thrilled with you wanting us to chuck it because it doesn't suit your plans for us.

so with that, SLOW THE FUCK DOWN! kids these days. sheesh.

dancing machine

what's the best place to go blow off steam?

the dance floor. anywhere i can find music and the space i need.

why do you go here when you need to unwind?

dancing is my release. i can think, work through problems. it's my "quiet" time. except i crank the music and move.

moving...

i couldn't help it. the first note. the moment i saw it. the tears... i couldn't stop them if i had wanted and they deserved to come.

EDIT: again with videos being removed. *sigh*

it was pain and beauty and sorrow and joy and ... oh everything you could imagine.

i'll have to remember to bring lots of kleenex with me to the show.

woot!

the monkey and i have tickets to see the sytycd tour when it comes to milwaukee in october. I. CAN. NOT. WAIT!!! silly? well, maybe a little. but it's inspiring to me. i will be attempting to choreograph a duet with the monkey for next spring's dance recital. thankfully, miss t is more than happy to help us. *whew* i think it's going to end up being contemporary. we've never been "trained" in that form, and the only partnering i've ever done has been ballroom. i'm planning lifts. eep!

oh yes, we're going.

DEFINITELY. last night's episode of "so you think you can dance?" had me in tears. again. [SPOILER ALERT!] travis wall (2nd finalist from season 2 - danced mia michael's emmy winning routine with heidi) came back to the show to choreograph. omg! i lack words to adequately describe how amazing it was.

edit: silly links to non-existent videos. grr...

after the stand ovation provided by the judges (and all the tears provided by me) i promised the monkey that we would go see the tour. even if it meant that was our christmas presents. i have to see that dance again. even now, having just watched the video, i still choke up. (note to self: bring plenty of tissues. i hope the monkey will be ok with her mom sobbing her heart out watching that, in public.)

the tour comes to us in early october. tickets go on sale NEXT SATURDAY. needless to say, i WILL be getting us tickets. because ... damn. that was beautiful.

*ignore the little ad. the first video i chose was removed. :(

reserved

i watched the latest true blood episode last night. ooh... now, to get reading the books. i have the list all worked up, and the first one reserved. but... i'm the 104th request for that book. they have a lot in our system, but still. *sigh* also, requesting one at a time to make sure i get them in order. it's going to take me a long time. :(

*thank you princess mikkimoto for the library link too. :D

oh! em! gee! are you for real?

how does the co-worker even function in today's society? i mean, he's in it, and has a mobile phone that is older than the monkey. really? i don't think he's ever sent a text message. i set up the smartphone another employee was given for work because the co-worker has no idea how to work one.

today i spontaneously giggled aloud while reading an email a friend of mine sent me. he asked about the joke, because i can usually keep my giggles much quieter than that. when i told him she had used the word "twitterpated," he gave me a blank stare. seriously? how can anyone from our generation NOT know what twitterpated means? get this. he actually thought it was a word stemming from twitter. a social forum that i'm QUITE sure he has never used. along with facebook, plaxo, linked in, etc... i don't even think he has a myspace page.

worse yet, he couldn't remember what movie it was from!!!

a decided lack of things...

i'd post something. but... i haven't had anything much to say. i've been a huge kick of doing nothing much. oh i watched a bunch of true blood (my new addiction!) recently. i'm all caught up, i think. i've read some pretty ok books. mostly vampire. mostly young adult/teen. it's kind of fun having a pre-teen. she's 12 now. eep!

time capsule #3

ok. i took a lot of photos of loud. i mean a lot. thank goodness she's smokin' and totally photogenic.

time capsule #2

wow. loud totally rockin' out. hehehe...

"calgon, take me away!"

i love lists. here's my "to-do list" for the summer. here's hoping it doesn't stop at the beginning of school this fall.

• clean my house: because if i don't, i'm going to want to burn it down or go completely mad. neither is a very good option.

• spend as little as possible: i'd like to use what i have. sure the economy needs my money, but i don't have enough to give it lots. i'm realistic enough to know that i can't stop spending all together. i have a growing monkey and a shopping itch that needs scratching regularly. but i AM trying to be far more honest with whether or not i need something. will i actually use it? will i really wear it?
  

• get back into shape: a couple of years ago, i lost a lot of weight. while i loved losing it, it wasn't done healthy. this summer i'd like to get my butt moving and get it back to where it was. i know i already eat relatively healthy (ignore the bag of pretzels at my desk) but i haven't been moving as much. the dog needs it. i need it. move we will.

• clean my house, for real: did i mention clean my house? because it needs it. badly. anyone have an extra trash can i can use?
  

do not

if you're not going to take my suggestions seriously and/or strike them down, DO NOT ask for them in the first place. it's a gigantic waste of everyone's time.

i've been on/off about going to dance tonight. i'm pretty sure i'm going now. i need the discipline to burn off the anger of being talked over and completely ignored even when my opinion is solicited.

update...

so the senator is talking again. here's hoping he remembers i want to help when and where i can, but that i can't if he doesn't tell me he needs it. i can understand the feeling that he shouldn't have to ask for help, that he should be able to do it all on his own. but if he can't ask me for help, the woman he wants having his babies, who is he able to ask?

during all of this, i asked my bff for the reminder he gave me the last time this happened. i said i was hurting because of this, and his response was "how is he hurting you? by not talking to you for a little while?" that was received yesterday, mid-day. i still want to rip his head off and scream down his throat. so, no, there hasn't been a response from me.

while the bff seems to think i'm blowing this out of proportion, i have another friend who can't understand why i'm putting up with it and still with the senator. but then he doesn't seem to understand depression and other mental illnesses. he certainly doesn't understand mine.

i want to continue making the plans for monkey and i to move to georgia. but i can't in good conscience do that until i feel more stable in our relationship. and yes, i've told the senator this. here's hoping it doesn't spark another silence. in the meantime, i'll try to plan a summer trip out there. maybe with monkey, maybe not. *sigh*

time capsule #1

ooh... i think i'm going to like this photojojo thingy... i signed up ages ago. today is my first time capsule. :)

lookie here.

fun! especially since the lovely lady in that photo is our one and only loud. tomorrow is her birthday AND she's going on a trip that has me SOOOO... jealous. happy birthday and have a blast on your trip, loud. be safe and come home with tons of stories to share!

weather report

it's cold and rainy. suits my mood perfectly. it almost lets me pretend my mood isn't quite so stormy. i can just say it's the weather. except it's not. if it was sunny, i'm quite sure my mood would be most foul. *sigh* meh.

i know...

i should be sleeping. i want to be. but i'm kind of afraid to. ugh. this sucks. at least the weather suits my mood. i feel like i'm mourning. again. i just want to know and be able to move forward.

hello? anyone there?

i don't know what to say. what to do. how can i help? or even just be supportive? the senator isn't talking to me. again. he's shutdown. or shut me out. i don't know. last time, i emailed, text'd, called... at least once a day (definitely more). at first to find out what was going on. then to let him know i was hurt and angry. then to let him know i still care and was here when he was ready. he had his reasons for this. but we've since talked about it. and i let him know how much it hurt my feelings and made me angry. but this time, there wasn't any reason i could see to shut me out. again. last time i was told to be patient, that if i didn't push, things would get sorted out faster. ok. so this time, its been four days since the last time i heard from him. the first time it was seven. i'm not sure how long i can keep this up. i called tonight, hoping. apparently that was too much. if i don't keep myself constantly distracted, i get this lump in my throat that i can't swallow past too well. i feel vaguely nauseous (no, i'm NOT pregnant). i want to cry. not just the tears i cry when watching grey's anatomy (omg, i've NEVER NOT cried at that damn show), but the body racking sobs that little kids do when they're over-tired and hungry and things have just gone wrong once too often. if i don't keep myself distracted, i think about all the things that won't be happening. the faces i don't see in my dreams any longer. he said he was not like the other men in my life. no? right now, i'm not sure i see the difference.

*for the record, i'm not looking for anyone to tell me it's ok to end it. i'm not ready to end it. i still want to fight for what i want. i just need to know i'm not the only one fighting...

i <3 my monkey

"A mother understands what a child does not say."
-Jewish proverb

i'm skipping dance tonight, to hang out with the monkey. sometimes, even though we're always together, i miss her. now is one of those times.

the one where i babble

i miss my iphone. not enough to run out and switch from the blackberry, but enough that when it's time to make the change... i just might.

i have an orchestra concert for the monkey to attend tonight. i'm pretty sure i'm going to find the darkest corner to sit in at the high school theatre and read until they turn the lights down and (hangs head in some shame) attempt to blog from the aforementioned blackberry.


[ok. so i forgot half of what i was going to say in this. oh well. having trouble caring today.]

man, i could use a beer tonight. *sigh*

feeling...

lost? i feel like there are things i need to say, but i'm not sure how to say them. i'm not even sure exactly WHAT i want to say... phooey. :(

oh my damn...

wow. i didn't realize how long it has been since i've posted. lots been going on. not all of it good or worth talking about. you know, life.

the senator came to visit me. he met the monkey. i see trouble from them. the kind where i have to shout in the house, "it's too quiet. what are you two up to?!" and then just hope i don't find the two of them plotting something diabolical.

i'm really glad they hit it off. it makes dating SO much easier. especially since she really hated the last serious one. still reminds me how much she doesn't (yes, it's an active dislike) him. even her father mentioned it the other day. "no, she really doesn't like him at all." which made us all giggle. and then i apologized for subjecting her to his presence. thankfully she thinks i'm pretty cool and forgave me. i do <3 that kid an awful lot.

honestly...

what would any of us REALLY do with 3 extra hours? duh... SLEEP! 3 extra hours would mean i would finally get right amount of sleep, every night, and i could stop feeling like crap every day.

sweet crunchy snack is NOT what i think of when i think of her...

copped from ChopSuzy's FB page:

Crackerjack, Mad Rolling Dolls co-founder, past GM, coach, star
skater, crowd favorite and current WFTDA president, needs your help
and support.

She’s in a legal battle with Frito-Lay, which bought the Cracker Jack
Brand. F-L is challenging her effort to trademark her Derby name
“Crackerjack”. She needs to do this so she can be an avatar in the
Frozen Codebase Roller Derby video game.

This is a huge corporate giant trying to squelch a derby girl. We
can’t just sit by and let this happen, can we?

Last year Starbucks tried to squelch the Rat City league for trademark
infringement, claiming the logos were too similar. Rat City got
Starbucks to back off. Let’s do the same to Frito-Lay!

Here’s how you can help CJ in this brawl:

Send a message to Frito-Lay letting them know that you and all your
fellow league members and fans will boycott their junk food for the
rest of your natural lives unless they drop this frivolous legal
action.

Go to http://www.fritolay.com/about-us/contact-us.html and sign in and do it!

Messages you could incorporate:

1. Crackerjack is a one-word noun or adjective that refers to an
exceptional person or thing. Cracker Jack is a sweet and nutty treat.
No one would mistake a roller girl for popcorn!

2. There are thousands of members of Roller Derby leagues in the
U.S., and they have tens of thousands of fans. If Frito-Lay pursues
this frivolous legal action, we’ll all boycott all Frito-Lay products
and encourage our friends and everyone in our social networks to do
the same.

3. Given the popularity of modern Roller Derby, if Frito-Lay were
smart, they would drop this silly legal action and sign this gorgeous
and articulate young athlete as a spokesmodel for their product and
watch their sales figure skyrocket.

If you don’t have time to write your own message just copy this one:

“Crackerjack is not a sweet and nutty treat! She is a roller derby
star athlete. Stop this legal nonsense, or, trust me, I will never
buy another Frito Lay product. If you had any sense, you’d sign this
gorgeous and articulate skater on as a spokesmodel for your product
and stand back and watch your sales skyrocket.”

Go to http://www.fritolay.com/about-us/contact-us.html and sign in and do it!

Then send this info on. Post it to your myspace and facebook pages.
Twitter it. E-mail it to your friends in other leagues. Let’s go
viral and help CJ win against the Walmart of tooth decay!

(the actual blog post that started this campaign: http://www.heratylaw.com/news/ AND the post that grabbed our attention: http://www.derbynewsnetwork.com/blog/justice_feelgood_marshall/2009/04/bout_preview_crackerjack_vs_fritolay)

keeping in touch from oregon, wi to savannah, ga

i met him at the beginning of october last year. i wasn't looking. i was actually dating (casually) a friend of his, who ended up encouraging us to get together.

the senator lives too dang far away. i miss him. a lot. i need to go see him again. i think within the next couple of months.

i'm going to start planning the trip. ;)

whoops, 'scuse me.

(this is actually me! i'm dancing a foxtrot with my teacher.)

*grin* i'm famous for my lack of grace OFF the dance floor. apparently, i'm so graceful (so i'm told) while i'm dancing. but i can trip literally the moment i walk off the dance floor.

stuck in an elevator with the senator

the senator
duh, he's the bf. that should just be common sense. sheesh.

silver b
because as much as i love the senator, he can't dance yet. silver b on the other hand is a FABULOUS dancer. plus he could teach the senator a thing or two.

*silver b is a misleading name. he's at the gold level, but "gold b" just doesn't have the same ring. sorry bud, you'll always be silver b to me. ;)

simple questions...

when ever i ask the co-worker something i think is a simple question, we always get into it. and i hate it, because he always feels the need to have the last word and is so obtuse he can't hear when you're telling him the conversation is done because you want to punch him in the face.

need. caffeine. badly.

not that i'm overly tired... i just feel drained. like i could sleep for days. or it has everything to do with the fact that i've seen the sun for about 5 minutes in the last 3 days. and tomorrow it's supposed to snow?! what the fuck is that all about? sheesh.

what weird? here's for weird. a year and a half ago, i wanted my ex-bf and his new (not sposed to be) gf so gone from my life i occasionally wished them dead. hey, i admit i was wrong and super messed up about it. well a year ago, i made the decision to just deal with them since they obviously weren't leaving my life. i was going to make the best of a bad situation. last week, i hung out with them. with alcohol. no one died. no one even got mildly upset. this weekend? i'm going to borrow a dress of hers for a dance thing i'm going to. (my clothes aren't fitting the wrong way. it upsets me. i don't want to wear the ONE dress i have that fits and i don't have a new dress in my budget.) we're a similar size, i'm about 4 or 5 inches taller than she is. this is totally weird for me. i'm littered with bruises from trying to wake myself from the dream. but obviously i'm not dreaming.

*dazed*

hi internet. i've missed you. not that i've been gone, just hermit-ing. there's a funk that overtakes me from thanksgiving to valentine's day and i never really get out of it until st. patrick's day. that's over. i think. (never say never, right?) i'm back, -ish. at least i'm back to letting y'all know how irritating certain people are. (see previous post.)

you can call me...

when "dances with wolves" came out, my brother announced that my indian name would be 'needs a job'. i was in high school and between jobs. i told him he was funny and would now be known as 'gets beat up by his sister'. yep, he got a pounding that day.

die die die!

little bitch wanker fucking douche bag of a co-worker.

oh my

there's just something about this one... i think it's susan sarandon's response of "oh my" after he's done. it's just good.

"well, i believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of susan sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. i believe lee harvey oswald acted alone. i believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing astroturf and the designated hitter. i believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents christmas morning rather than christmas eve and i believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days." -crash davis

bumper sticker for the day

i saw this on a big ol' truck this morning on my drive into work.

firemen
find 'em hot, leave 'em wet

HAHAHA!!!

i'm such a 12 year old horn-dog today. we all know what that means.

holy creepiness dude!

valentine wedding present cake by Manassas Cakery

a former friend showed up at my dance studio one evening in september last year. i hadn't spoken to him (email, text msging, in person) in around 6 months and he just shows up. with a birthday present for me. my birthday is in june. he brought me a hello kitty necklace. i love hello kitty, so at least he had been paying attention. though i already had that one. it still sits in the box he gave it to me in. i won't wear it. i stopped talking to him because his behavior was making me uncomfortable. case in point, showing up, uninvited, to my dance studio. i haven't talked to him since. he did approach me once at a bar while i was with friends. he asked to speak to me and i let him know anything he wanted to say could be said in front of my friends (no way was i leaving with him). he found this unacceptable and stormed off. needless to say, i don't miss him. he creeps me out. ick.

my fear of public speaking

i haven't passed a single speech class. i hate having to speak publicly. i feel as though i start talking and stop making any sense or even following the topic i was speaking about. i ramble. everywhere. we lovingly call it "tangentialistic". i claim the word. i have a flag. do you have a flag? no, then it's mine.

my favorite room

Ballet Dancing by Tommy Wong (Tom@HK)

ok. yes, i'm a dork. but i feel most at home and comfortable at the studio. i love dancing so much. recently, i spent more waking hours at the studio than at home. it was just the most comfortable place i knew.

In defense of my vice: dancing

Tango Lessons in the Living Room by mrk_photo

i started ballet when i was 5. my mom had taken me to see the nutcracker and i fell in love. i wanted to be the sugar plum fairy. she was so awesome. fast forward to age 13 (where everyone gets stupid) and i decide i don't want to dance anymore. (dumb dumb dumb.) fast forward some more to 34 and i finally talk a boyfriend into taking ballroom lessons with me. dump him, but continue the lessons on my own. i'm addicted. and i'm not quitting. ever. it is the air i breathe, my expression, my life. never quitting. nope. never.

edit: dang it plinky. this is posted twice. grr!

In defense of my vice: dancing

Tango Lessons in the Living Room by mrk_photo

i started ballet when i was 5. my mom had taken me to see the nutcracker and i fell in love. i wanted to be the sugar plum fairy. she was so awesome. fast forward to age 13 (where everyone gets stupid) and i decide i don't want to dance anymore. (dumb dumb dumb.) fast forward some more to 34 and i finally talk a boyfriend into taking ballroom lessons with me. dump him, but continue the lessons on my own. i'm addicted. and i'm not quitting. ever. it is the air i breathe, my expression, my life. never quitting. nope. never.

DONE

my taxes are done. i have a headache. i'm going to go treat myself to a nice venti chai latte. with extra cinnamon.

Why I gave up on "the violin, anne rice"

i have no idea. i love all her other books. my bil gave it too me for christmas one year, i've diligently chipped away at it. all her other books, i've flown through. this one just doesn't hold my attention. i'm so sorry, ms. rice.

If I had easy access to a helicopter, I'd fly to savannah, ga this weekend

i've never lived there. only visited once. but it's home. the senator lives there and it feels like home to me.

weird but good combo #3

celery sticks and salmon cream cheese.

no, i'm not pregnant. i eat much more normal when i'm pregnant.

wow. am i bored or what?

sitting here in bed. chatting with the senator online. i'm all caught up on my blog reading. i don't want to turn on a light, because then i'll reach for my book and i really should be thinking about sleep. i'm so bored.

the president

i got chills. yes, i cried. when don't i? i just watched the swearing in of president obama. our first black president.

i love you and will support you, my senator. we'll disagree on so many things, but that won't change my love for you. our new president is just one of the first things we disagree on. this year isn't just a change for the presidency, but a change for us. you and i get to move forward together.

brr... grr... brr...

what is it about people who think that going 5 up an icy hill is a good idea? no one can get enough forward momentum (what with all the brake tapping) to go forward and they naturally "fall" off the road. granted screaming down the highway at 80 isn't a good idea either. that's how people flip their cars and land on the roof of the car.